


Until We Break

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Crying, I was SAD and took it out on Suga, Insecurity, Literally so much angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, When I feel like it, doubts, unintentional but damaging relationship neglect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27890764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Suga really hated being on of /those/ boyfriends.But he felt like a shell, and it was so hard, missing someone he technically had so greatly.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Michimiya Yui/Sawamura Daichi, Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi, One Sided-
Comments: 14
Kudos: 47





	Until We Break

**Author's Note:**

> I am stressed and sad :< I haven't written any fanfiction in a hot second and and and IM SAD OKAY so I sat down and took it out on Suga.
> 
> This was supposed to be a short one shot of Oikawa ignoring Suga and things and angst and sad-
> 
> but then I realized I love them too much. Now it's a two- or three- shot. I'm already writing the next installment, but I don't have the best track record with updates, and I'm fucking busy. So uh, expect at least two weeks until the next chapter.
> 
> Love you<3

Sugawara sighed, trying to keep his anxiety in check. He hated being one of  _ those  _ boyfriends- one of those men who got jealous over friends- but he couldn’t help it. Lately, it seemed like Iwaizumi was all Oikawa would ever talk about.  _ “Iwa-chan set a new record at his gym!”  _ Or  _ “Iwa-chan refuses to try my milk bread, he says I’d poison him! He’s so mean!” _

He seemed like the only person Oikawa wanted to talk  _ to. “Oh, I’m fine, Kou-chan! I’ll talk to Iwa-chan about it later, don’t you worry your pretty little head about it!”  _

The only person he would hang out with.  _ “Oh, can we go on a date some other time? Iwa-chan promised to finally go to the planetarium with me!” _

The only person he would even _listen_ _to. “Hm? One second, Kou-chan! Iwa-chan is telling me about his day!”_

The silver-haired got up off the couch, eyebrows pinched as he tried to ignore the heaviness in the pit of his stomach. It was  _ late,  _ almost one in the morning, and Oikawa still wasn’t home yet. Of course, the brunette had been home later before, but usually with a group of friends and always with a text of  _ I’m fine, be back in an hour or two! Love you! _ Tonight, he was alone with Iwaizumi (again), and he hadn’t even responded to Suga’s text asking how their hangout was going.

_ Is this what a dying relationship feels like? It’s like what we have is slipping through my fingers, and there’s nothing I can do about it. _

_ He probably remembered why he was in love with Iwaizumi all those years ago- no. Stop it! No negativity! He loves you, he told you yesterday! Now just go to bed, and when you wake up, Tooru will be here and kiss you and you guys can make brunch together, and you’ll forget all about this baseless jealousy! _

He glanced up at the clock again, remembering Oikawa’s words as he left to hang out with his best friend.  _ “Bye Kou-chan! Don’t wait up, okay?~”  _

“What am I doing?” He mumbled to himself, walking into the kitchen and reaching up to a high cupboard, taking down a wine glass. “Of course he’s going to spend time with his  _ best friend,  _ they just reconnected after almost a year. But that was almost a year ago... No. He loves  _ me  _ now, not Iwaizumi anymore.” Sugawara took a deep breath as he poured himself a little bit of red wine, to help him sleep. “Stop being so insecure. _ ...Iwaizumi’s muscles aren’t even that big,” _ He added under his breath, drinking the slightly bitter liquid in one long sip.

He sighed again. “Who am I kidding? Yes they are. Especially compared to mine.” He flexed his pretty unimpressive bicep. His bottom lip protruded in a pout before he shook his head. “Stop comparing yourself to Iwaizumi, Koushi!” His voice raised a bit as he poured a bit more into his glass. “You’re cool too, and Tooru loves  _ you  _ now. So shut up, brain!” He slammed his glass back down hard enough to make himself wince. “Look, now you’re going to break things. I know you want to stay up and welcome him home, but just  _ go to bed,  _ already, ‘k?”

He pouted at himself, tracing the rim of his empty-again glass with his index finger. “And stop talking to yourself. He hasn't even been gone 24 hours. Loser.”

He set the glass into the sink, and stretched before walking to the room him and his boyfriend of almost two years now shared. “And now you’re hurting your own feelings. Why are you even so anxious, huh, Koushi? Why’s your heart beating so fast? Why’s your stomach so queasy? You’re fine, Tooru’s okay, you just need to sleep. Him and Iwaizumi aren’t making out, or having sex, or being in love. Tooru is safe, you’re fine…” His words started to slur slightly as he continued mumbling to himself, crawling onto the empty bed. “Just sleep, he’ll be here in the morning, and you’ll laugh at yourself for worrying so much,” He continued murmuring sleepily, tired and trying to ignore the little twinge in his stomach that was telling him he wouldn’t be getting a hint restful sleep that night.

xXx

Oikawa giggled as Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “You’re just jealous because I have a cute boyfriend and you~” The brunette leaned over to boop his best friend’s nose. “Don’t!”

“You guys are still together?” Iwaizumi asked, shooting Oikawa an unreadable look with a raised dark eyebrow. The surprise in his tone made Oikawa uneasy as he choked on air at the question. He was expecting something like:  _ “That’s not it, Shittykawa!!”  _ as an answer. Not a stupid question like  _ that.  _

Iwaizumi gasped as Oikawa swerved. “Hey! Eyes on the road, Shittykawa!”

Oikawa scoffed, shooting Iwaizumi a narrow-eyed look. “Of course we’re still dating! What kind of question is  _ that?”  _

“I said eyes on the road! And jeez,” The ravenette added with a grumble. “I was just wondering, your guys’ relationship just isn’t in my face like it used to be. I thought maybe you broke up, or something.” 

“Eh?” Oikawa lowered the volume of the radio. “What’s that supposed to mean?!” He ignored the annoyed look on his friend’s face.

“It doesn’t mean anything big, dumbass, you just used to bring him everywhere, or insist on getting home earlier so you could spend more time with him and stuff. And you rarely post selfies with him anymore. That’s all I meant.”

Oikawa blinked, a feeling oddly like guilt resting in his stomach. He willed it away easily, though, as he turned down the road to Iwaizumi’s apartment. “Hm~”

Iwaizumi shrugged, his slight blush invisible to Oikawa in the dark. “Tell Suga I said hi when you get back home, then,” He said as they pulled into the driveway of the apartments. “Unless you, uh, wanna stay the night? It’s pretty late,” He added quickly, and this time, Oikawa caught sight of the light pink dusting across his cheeks.  _ Eh?! Iwa-chan, blushing? Aw! He’s really not used to being nice! _

“Aw, Iwa-chan! I can’t believe it, you're actually being nice! I’d love to stay over! We can even make pancakes in the morning, Kou-chan taught me how to make really fluffy ones!” He cheered, parking the car and getting out. “I’m not sleeping on the couch, by the way! Last time, my back was so sore that it threw off my serving.”  
  
“I’m not sleeping on the couch, either, Selfishkawa. It’s my house,” Iwaizumi punched Oikawa’s shoulder as they approached his apartment and went inside. “Y-you can share my bed, as long as you don’t steal all the fucking blankets.”

The brunette paused in the doorway, hand dramatically over his heart. “Who are you, and what did you do with my Iwa-chan?!” He pointed an accusing finger at his friend. “You’re being so nice, surely aliens have taken over your mind! Release my friend, now!”

“Fine then! Sleep on the floor! And close the door, you’re letting cold air in!”

Oikawa laughed and obeyed, happily and tiredly following Iwaizumi to his bedroom. 

  
  
  


xXx

  
  
  


Suga didn’t know why he was so surprised. So  _ disappointed.  _ After a fitful night of sleep, despite the glasses of wine he downed before going to bed, he had awoken cold and alone- and a bit hungover- a little past eight. 

_ What a great way to start my morning,  _ He thought sarcastically with a small snort.  _ So much for making brunch together.  _ He suppressed a heavy sigh- why he withheld it he didn’t know, it’s not like anyone was around to judge him- and changed into new clothes for the day. He worked from home on his laptop, he was a freelance translator, but he didn’t have any work that day. He wouldn’t have work until he took up a new job, but he made pretty good money and was fortunate to be able to take decent breaks between jobs. 

The point was, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to just stand around all day, feeling disappointed and anxious and jealous and  _ bitter.  _

The bitterness that was starting to set in was new. Oikawa’s absence- and knowing that the gorgeous brunette was having fun with someone a million times better than himself- was starting to leave a bitter taste in his mouth.

Something in him was telling him to fight, not let another thing get taken from him. (The first was the captainship of Karasuno. Sugawara remembers the former captain telling him that he was going to advocate for him- but he also remembers when Asahi suggested Daichi lead them. Daichi looked so sure, too, that he could handle it. Asahi looked so confident that Daichi would be the best option to lead them. And so, Suga never even mentioned that had imagined himself in that role, or that he had any desire to be captain. Instead, he accepted the position of Vice-Captain with a smile.

The second was the starting position as Karasuno’s setter- 

But everybody knew that story.

The third was Daichi. Yui looked so, so happy around him. She looked as happy as Sugawara felt around him. Suga never even confessed, instead he stepped a bit away as soon as Yui made the first move of asking Daichi out for lunch. Not even as a date, probably, but to get closer.)

The fourth, Sugawara was starting to realize, was going to be the love of his entire life. He was just  _ letting _ Iwaizumi-

_ No. Nothing like that is happening. _

_ Isn’t it, though? _

The silver-haired felt a long, heavy ache in his heart. Every fiber in his body was craving Oikawa. Just a tight hug, a kiss on his forehead, a little reassurance.

Sugawara was starting to feel so anxious about their relationship that he couldn’t even tease Oikawa, which was coincidentally how their relationship started. He’s started feeling awkward around him, not knowing if his doubts and anxieties and jealousy was valid. 

Suga trudged to the living room and flopped onto the couch.

_ What a loser. You probably just rely on him too much. Get a life, loser.  _ He bit his lip. A few months ago, if Sugawara was at home and didn’t know where Oikawa was, or what he was doing, he would text or call. He would spam nonsense and teasing and love to his boyfriend, then maybe go hang out with Dai-

_ Daichi! Right! I could go hang out with Daichi! It’s been a little bit, we can get a cup of coffee and catch up. _

The hazel-eyed man spent about twenty minutes searching for his phone- it was right where he’d left it- and collapsed back onto the couch.

Still no response from Oikawa to his  _ ‘Hey! How’re things with Iwa-san going? Miss you<3’.  _ He cringed as he read over the text again. It was clingy, wasn’t it? He was too clingy. Oikawa was annoyed, probably. 

He shook the negativity from his head, opening his text thread with Daichi.

[To: Yui’s Bitch]  _ Hi. You busy today? _

He got a reply only minutes later. He kind of forgot what that felt like. It was convenient. 

[From: Yui’s Bitch]  _ Nope.  _

[From: Yui’s Bitch]  _ Why? Wanna do something? _

Suga remembered the first time he hung out with Daichi without letting his boyfriend know. The beautiful man pouted childishly, whining about how it made him jealous. Oikawa didn’t get mad, or dramatically forbid Suga from seeing Daichi, nothing like that. He had just pouted and whined about Daichi developing feelings, something silly like that. Ever since then, Suga had made a point to dramatically inform Oikawa of his plans with his own best friend, texting something goofy like  _ ‘I’m going to Daichi’s house! Better hope he doesn’t seduce me with his wife under the same roof!<3’  _

Oikawa would always answer  _ ‘Shut uuup! I love you! Shut uuuuup!’ _

Sugawara is fairly certain Oikawa wouldn’t care anymore.

[To: Yui’s Bitch]  _ Yeah. I’m bored, let’s get coffee _

[From: Yui’s Bitch]  _ Now?? It’s not even 8:45 in the morning, I’m surprised that you’re even awake?!?!? _

[From: Yui’s Bitch]  _ Is Oikawa even fine with you being out of bed right now? You always complain about how clingy he is in the morning, haha _

Suga’s frown made another appearance, but he managed to shove it away into another smile. He doesn’t know why he still felt the need to hide his frowns- nobody was around.

[To: Yui’s Bitch]  _ Haha, he’s not home rn. And yes, now! I have nothing better to do, and neither do you, big guy. I know Yui’s at the hospital rn! So no excuses!  _

[From: Yui’s Bitch]  _ Oh, where is he? _

Daichi’s question was harmless, but it still poked at Suga sharply.  _ Stop being so dramatic, heart!  _

[From: Yui’s Bitch]  _ And fine. Meet at the same place as last time at 9:30? _

[To: Yui’s Bitch]  _ 9:15 _

  
  
  
  


“Kou-chaaaan!~ I’m home!” Oikawa sang as he walked through the door. It was a little past lunchtime, but Koushi always ate lunch late as a result of his late breakfasts, which were a result of how he usually slept in. Because of this, the tall brunette expected his angel to be in the kitchen, cooking, or maybe on the couch or in the dining room eating while he worked on translating some article or light novel.

Probably the last thing he expected was radio silence, the only sound being the door closing behind him.  _ Eh? Did Kou-chan say he was going somewhere today?  _ The handsome silvernette was usually home when Oikawa arrived, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek or lips, asking him about his day or what he’d been doing. And when he  _ wasn’t  _ home, he usually called or texted to let him know.

_ Ah, he must have texted me after my phone died. I wonder where he is- I can’t wait to tell him about how inept Iwa-chan is in the kitchen. Even my pancakes turned out better than his!  _ He giggled a bit to himself, but stopped as he walked past the kitchen. His eyebrows furrowed as he pouted slightly.  _ Wine? This early in the day?  _ There was a drained glass and an open bottle settled on the counter. Koushi wasn’t really an alcohol drinker of any kind at any time, usually only when he was feeling anxious and/or couldn’t sleep.  _ Hm, maybe it’s left out from last night and he just didn’t put it away. _

At that, Oikawa felt a little bad. There was a little prickly feeling that felt suspiciously like guilt poking at him. He vaguely wished he had turned Iwaizumi down last night and came home. Then he and his Kou-chan could have cuddled, or maybe dranken together. Tipsy, sleepy Koushi was always adorable. So clingy, and cheesy, and just  _ adorable. _

_ Hm.. oh well. Where’d I leave my charger?  _ He spent a little bit finding it- it’s been quite a bit since he’s used the phone charger here and not Iwaizumi’s extra- and once his phone turned back on he went straight to his texts with his pretty boyfriend. 

[From: Cutiepie<3]  _ Hey! How’re things with Iwa-san going? Miss you<3 _

Oikawa winced a bit at the time stamp- it was from earlier in the day  _ yesterday-  _ and hurried to type a response. He was sure Koushi wouldn’t mind or anything, he never seemed to when Oikawa was busy and couldn’t respond right away, but he still felt a bit bad. More up front in his mind was the lack of text saying where his boyfriend was.

[To: Cutiepie<3]  _ Kou-chaaaan, where are youu? _

He stared at the screen for a bit, expecting a quick reply, but when he didn’t get one, he simply stifled a tiny pout and moved to his text thread with Iwaizumi.

[To: Iwa-chan!!!]  _ Iwa-chaaaaaaaaaaaan _

[From: Iwa-chan!!!]  _ What do you want?  _

[To: Iwa-chan!!!]  _ So cold! Brr! _

[From: Iwa-chan!!!]  _ What do you want? _

His fingers hovered above the screen to type a response, but one from his beautiful, lovely,  _ amazing  _ boyfriend interrupted him. He smiled and opened it.

[From: Cutiepie<3]  _ You’re home? _

[To: Cutiepie<3]  _ Where else would I be, silly? :p _

[From: Cutiepie<3]  _ I don’t know, Tooru. _

That response was kind of odd, Oikawa thought, but he didn’t dwell on it.

[To: Cutiepie<3]  _ Come hooooooome!! I miss you<3 _

Oikawa blinked as he watched those three little dots appear and disappear for almost a full three minutes. He bit his lip, wondering if Suga is okay. 

[From: Cutiepie<3]  _ I’ll be back in ten _

Oikawa couldn’t help but frown at the lack of endearment in Koushi’s reply. Koushi’s texts were usually silly or teasing or filled with sarcasm followed by something like ‘ _ jk i miss you too ;p’. ‘I’ll be back in ten’  _ was so…  _ dull.  _

However, now that Oikawa was thinking about it, dull texts like that had been becoming more and more common. Maybe the brunette was just overthinking things, but he liked to think that he knew his boyfriend quite well. They’d been dating for a few years now.  _ I’ll have to ask him if he’s okay,  _ he noted, but the thought was lost as another text from Iwaizumi came.

[From: Iwa-chan!!!]  _?? _

Oikawa spent the next ten minutes texting his best friend, giggling and huffing, until Koushi walked through the front door.

Oikawa looked up from the couch with a grin as the familiar silver-haired beauty closed the door behind him. He looked tired, but Oikawa was distracted by the way Koushi’s eyes  _ lit up  _ when he saw him. 

That was one of the things that first drew the brunette to him: his beautiful,  _ so expressive  _ eyes. Suga was the genuine type, a contrast to Oikawa himself, and Oikawa loved it. Loved  _ him.  _

He did look very tired, though. His silver hair was more messy than usual, his eyes a bit more dull. And those were  _ definitely  _ little bags under his eyes. Maybe he had been up all night working. 

Oikawa pouted. “Did you stay up late working?”

Suga kicked his shoes off and sat down on the other end of the couch. Oikawa’s pout deepened. His phone chimed with another text, and he pulled it out of his pocket. 

[From: Iwa-chan!!!]  _ Is he home yet? _

“Is that Iwaizumi-san?” Suga asked as Oikawa’s fingers flew across his screen. The brunette hummed.

“Yup! He-”

“Cool.” The staccatoed word and the squeak of the couch as the silvernette stood up interrupted Oikawa. His eyebrows furrowed as his boyfriend’s oddly  _ cold  _ behaviour. 

“Where are you gooooooooing?” He complained as he watched the other near the hallway to their room, the spare, a closet, and the bathroom. “I want to cuddle!”

“Aren’t you busy?” 

“No! Cuddle!” He made childish grabby-hands towards his lover. His immature side always managed to force a fond smile from the silver-haired beauty, and this time was no different.

Like Oikawa said, he liked to think he knew his Kou-chan pretty well.

Koushi came closer to the couch- much too hesitantly for Oikawa’s tastes, so the brunette grabbed the edge of his t-shirt and pulled him closer, sideways onto his lap. He immediately entrapped the slightly smaller in his arms, wrapping them around his waist and pulling him even closer. He heard the surprised gasp, felt Koushi’s body stiffen. Oikawa ignored the slightly offending reaction in favor of pressing his nose to Koushi’s slender neck, inhaling his scent.

“Mm, you smell like coffee. Where were you?” Oikawa asked. He felt a strange sense of longing, in this moment. In the way Koushi wasn’t melting into him like normal-

He tried to think back to the last the two of them had snuggled on the couch, just the two of them, making fun of whatever movie and telling each other to shut up so they could pay attention. Teasing each other, playfully and slowly growing in sensuality-

Well, he couldn’t quite remember, is what he’s getting at. Maybe it was when they watched ratatouille for the millionth time? But that  _ couldn’t  _ be the most recent time, it was probably over a month ago, at this point. Longer, even. Very much so.

Hm.

Koushi seemed to be relaxing, a bit, if the way his tension dissipated and how his fingers were fiddling with the bottom hem of Oikawa’s shirt was any indication. He smiled at it.

“I went out to coffee with Daichi. I haven’t really been out in a bit, it was nice. Michimiya is pregnant.”

Oikawa couldn’t help the little spike of jealousy at the mention of Dai-chan, but he forced it down. It ebbed a bit at the mention of his wife’s pregnancy, anyways. 

“You’re hugging too tightly, now,” Koushi laughed a little breathlessly, squirming in Oikawa’s lap. Maybe he hadn’t hid his envy so well. 

Oh, well. Oikawa grinned against Koushi’s neck. “It's because I love you. Accept my love!” 

Koushi went still again, cold, going frigid as a stone. He was silent for a few heavy moments, and Oikawa raised his head to look at him with concerned, curious eyes.

Why had telling him something so obvious as his love for him caused such a reaction?

...Did Koushi not love him anymore? That didn’t make any sense. 

“Kou-chan?” Oikawa’s chocolate eyes searched Koushi’s face for anything- hoping he didn’t look too frantic- and saw nothing but insecurity. It was heartbreaking, the force of the worries sketched all over Koushi’s face hitting him like a truck. Tightly pinched silver eyebrows, bit bottom lip and shining eyes, tears glistening in the corners. The pupils in his honey-brown eyes were nothing but tiny beads.

Why was he so scared?

“Koushi?”

**Author's Note:**

> Aha hey, orphaning this instead of posting next chapter becauae of crippling insecurity B)


End file.
